They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
