Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
