Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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