Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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