Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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