Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
