Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
