went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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