I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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