he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
