Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
