she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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