pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
