she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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