Your dad touched me again.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
