ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
