I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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