I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
