i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
