Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
