Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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