she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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