$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
