Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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