I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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