Moan for me like Helen Keller
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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