is your mom at the bar?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
