this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
