I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
