You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
