There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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