So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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