I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
