I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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