I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
