i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
