At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
