i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
