im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
