I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
