I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
