my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
