I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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