Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
