babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
