What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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