TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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