Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
