i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
