So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
