gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
