Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
