I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
