my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
